How the church has emasculated men

Posted on January 31, 2008. Filed under: Religion |

Very good article. 

By Tristan Emmanuel
Posted: January 31, 2008

Ever wonder why Christian men are so emasculated? Or why most normal red-blooded men find it absolutely impossible to relate to today’s clergy?
You’re not alone.
I use to think the problem was me, that I was old fashioned – at least that’s what I was told.
But then I had an epiphany.
God didn’t send girly-men to preach the Gospel, build churches and reform society back in the days of the early church. And He certainly won’t do that today either. 


 As a part of a strategy to change society we need to stop emasculating maleness in men.
The solution is simple. Start encouraging men in the church to be men – not women in drag.
I’m not the only one to say this.
Author David Murrow has written a very important book on the subject: “Why Men Hate Going to Church.” He confirms my theory. Men don’t feel welcomed in churches anymore because Christianity has been feminized.
(Column continues below)
Murrow relates several important statistics in his book:
• The typical U.S. congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61 percent female and 39 percent male. This gender gap shows up in all age categories.
• On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches.
• This Sunday almost 25 percent of married, churchgoing women will worship without their husbands.
• Midweek activities often draw 70 to 80 percent female participants.
• As many as 90 percent of the boys who are being raised in church will abandon it by their 20th birthday. Many of them will never return.
• More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only two out of six attend church on any given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church.
These are absolutely frightening statistics, but they are not surprising.
J. Grant Dys argues on his blog that the spinoff effects of this reality can be seen in our families (or at least what’s left of them), our schools, our clubs and in the prisons of our society. And ironically, with the death of genuine masculinity, an increasing number of young men are seeking to reclaim their manhood in homosexuality.
On a cultural level, we all know that the idea of a “real man” has almost been beaten out of our social consciousness. Men are objects of scorn and vilification. Watch any TV commercial or sitcom and you’ll witness a barrage of attacks, all designed to assault the dignity of real masculinity and the historic male role model as provider and protector.
I’m not saying anything new here. Many have already made this point, some much better than I. But what concerns me isn’t that broader culture has rejected masculinity, it is that the church has aided and abetted this concept of manhood as a pariah. And it’s not just the liberal churches that are guilty on this score.
All too often the pastoral “role model” in evangelical circles mirrors that “Simpson’s” character, the Rev. Love Joy. Our pastors are either quaint, odd, harmless pushovers, or they are slick metrosexual types who can cry at the drop of a dime – literally – but have absolutely no courage to stand up against real evil or teach the unequivocal truth with authority.
They’ve suppressed godly male assertiveness, opting instead to “be nice.” They have abdicated their calling to “speak the truth” in the interest of political correctness. And they have decided that manipulating people with emotional self-help books and anecdotal sermonizing is better for the bottom line than training and teaching the men in their congregations to be leaders and warriors for Christ. And as a result, the evangelical church is suffering from a dearth of real men.
Is feminism to blame?
No doubt feminism is a force of evil in North American society. It is evil not because it has tried to establish equality. Rather it is precisely because it hasn’t established equality that it is guilty of perpetrating a fraud. What feminism has succeeded in doing is to convince both sexes that the only masculine identity that is valuable is an effeminate male. That in fact, the only way for equality to exist is for men to be like women, or simply not to exist.
Now, we can blame the feminist movement all we want – but it won’t change a thing because in the end, men have embraced their own feminization. As Dys points out, men have done this to themselves because they have become soft and lazy.
Men are far more interested in accommodating the women’s movement than in asserting their masculinity. And whether that’s because we want to be “popular with the girls,” because we are too insecure and unsure about leading, or if it comes out of sheer exasperation – “You want to take over the leadership? Go ahead, I just don’t want to argue anymore” – we’ve conceded our role in family, church and the state.
But let’s be clear about one thing: We had no right to abdicate that responsibility.
The solution is very simple: Men need to be men again. They need to take up their responsibility the way God intended them to behave. And the church needs to re-learn how to help them do that again.



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5 Responses to “How the church has emasculated men”

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I am thankful that the pastor description in the article does not describe our pastor. Churches need God fearing pastors & leaders that consistently present the truth of the Gospel without apology. Too many churches focus on being popular and non-offensive. Often they hide behind the “God is LOVE” mantra. Problem is, they leave out “God is JUST” and all other attributes of God.
I am thankful for a pastor who seeks to please God and not people. By the way, our church is full of men who are involved in ministry and faithfully attend with their wives and kids. (If one spouse stays home while the other attends church activities, what is the likelihood the kids will be active as they get older?) A strong leader will draw real men to church and challenge them to grow spiritually.

In my observation, many churches are filled with women because the men aren’t stepping up to the plate – leaving spitual things to the ‘little lady’. This is the very core to the weakness of Christianity in America. Not only must we have Godly men in church leadership, we must be Godly men. It is our individual responsibility, not that of the church, to lead our families spiritually. The church supports this challenge in our lives but does not replace it.

If we are to believe scripture (which I do), the responsibility for spiritual leadership falls on each individual Christian man.

As man goes, so goes the family. As the family goes, so goes the church. As the church goes, so goes the nation.

If we don’t like the current state of the nation, we need to first look back through this list. Lasting change must come from the foundation, not the surface.

Hi Bridget. My name is Mark Doebler and I am the Head Coach/Pastor of The Grove Church in Peoria, IL. Our church is 2.5 years old and our focus is on reaching men, building them up in their faith, and establishing them as godly leaders. This is no small task. Most men have few role models to emulate, and as a result, the process can be slow. Slow or not, it is hugely necessary.

One of the key things that will help men return to manhood is the support and patience of women. It is encouraging to see posts like this. Especially when it comes from the heart of a woman. Men need to know that this is truly what women desire…strong, godly male leadership. Not domination, but genuine maleness expressed in a godly manner. Eventually, they will hear…and it will change.

Feel free to explore some of the info we have posted on this subject in the “library” section of our website at or drop by my blog at

I look forward to dropping by your blog again in the future.

wow you sound just like me!

this perfectly describes the lack of male fortitude at this church!

This is an outstanding article. I hope that this goes out to every church and media outlet. We as men need to take our place and not let it go. Not as dictators but leaders. Thank You and keep up the great work.

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